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10 Reasons Why My Patients Love Me

December 10, 2011

Filed under: Pankey — Tags: , , — Barry @ 11:18 PM
Does he hate the dentist?

Does he hate the dentist?

A few weeks ago a blog post ran wild on the Internet.  It was written by a young dentist who had recently left the field and wrote about 10 of her frustrations with patients.  The post went viral because there was a lot of truth in what she wrote.  Check out the post.

I laughed along with most patients and dentists.  For years we have been the brunt of comedians and the media who portray us as dullards who just inflict pain.  Some of the comments on the blog post were actually nasty.  There is no doubt that the image of dentists could use a facelift.  But what really interested me about the post was a comment I read on Frank Spear’s blog, by the author herself.

In the comment she claimed that she never really liked dentistry, and that was the reason why she left.  For that, I commend her courageous decision.  Later in the comment  she said she even took Pankey courses,  “which I loved, to try to help myself. In the end, it wasn’t enough.”

I will admit that having a successful career in any profession requires at least liking what you do.  I remember being thirty six years old and wanting to walk away from dentistry because of some of the same frustrations listed in the blog post.  Instead, maybe because I come from a different generation, I didn’t.  But I certainly can identify with the frustrations.

So many dentists try to cope with the issues by applying practice management principles…learning communication and language skills as well.  What I really feel helped me the most was developing a philosophy…no, more of a mindset, or if you can handle the word…an attitude toward life and work.  From that mindset, a culture developed, and I felt as if I had more control.  And when I stopped blaming the profession and patients…things changed.

I owe a lot of that change to the Pankey Institute and Dr. Peter Dawson.  I studied and applied the principles…the behavioral and philosophic ones were the ones that changed everything.  And today…my patients love me.

I know because they tell me.  Yep…they say it right out loud…to my face, to my staff, to their friends, online and offline.

Sure, there are those who don’t like me…but they are not in my practice anymore.

So here is my list of 10 reasons my patients love me:

  1. Do you know what TAO of dentistry stands for?  Trust, Appreciation and Ownership.  I spend a lot of time getting to know my patients.  By spending time up front we both get to know if we are a match.  Is there mutual trust?  Trust is a 2 way street.  Some of Laura’s frustrations concerned patients who cancelled at the last second or came in with plaque all over their teeth.  Does that happen?  Sure.  It used to really piss me off too.  These days our patients show a higher degree of respect because of the trust that is built early on in the relationship.
  2. My patients really appreciate what we do for them.  Not only do they appreciate the effort to provide the best quality we are able to do, but they appreciate us as human beings who care about us as we care about them.  We know them all…just like in the TV show Cheers…our practice is a place where everyone knows your name.  Our patients really are family.
  3. My patients own their problems.  We don’t deal in supervised neglect (it’s part of our culture).  When we tell a patient they need treatment it usually gets done.  It may not be the exact treatment we recommend but at least they don’t ignore our  suggestion.  They believe us because their is trust.
  4. We are totally committed to their well-being.  We are other-focused, and we preach that at staff meetings.  The other day day a patient came in with a fractured root.  It looked like an implant would be necessary.  Later on that day, I was thinking out of the box and called the specialist to see if he could perform an alternate procedure to remove the root tip (apical third), and save the tooth.  I called the patient, made no promises, but she was so thankful that I heard her say…I love you.
  5. My patients understand the cost of dentistry.  We address financial issues up front.  We agree that dentistry can be expensive and we do our best to hold their costs down.  We work with patients and use time and sequencing to appropriately treat our patients.  Money is the elephant in the room…expose it and address the issues early.  We also like to remind our patients years after restoring their teeth how much benefit they have received.  Gladys, our 98 year patient who I restored while she was in her eighties constantly reminds us what a great decision it was for her to fix her teeth.  All of her friends wear dentures (probably hate their dentist too).  We love Gladys and she loves us.
  6. I mentioned earlier that we are other focused.  In other words the only agenda we have is the welfare of our patients.  We understand dentistry is a business but we also understand that if we put our patients first, the business takes care of itself.  Ins tudy after study on the quality of service, people mention dependability, reliability, assuredness and empathy way before the glitz and glamour of the physical office.  Our patients love us because they can depend on us.
  7. Our patients love us because we respect their time.  We  never over-schedule or double book.  We know how to schedule productively without worrying about cancellations.  Do we get cancellations?  Sure, but it’s not a problem because it’s not common.  The Law of Reciprocity always works.  If you respect their time they will respect your time.  By the was reciprocity comes into play when you take the time to listen to your patients…they will listen to you.
  8. Our patients love us because they know we are painless.  In this day and age there is no reason why a patient should feel pain.  Once they know they are safe (and they trust), they will become much more cooperative.  There is a physical response to fear…tight muscles, enlarged tongue and ropy saliva are just a few, not to mention fidgeting.  The blog post suggested patients don’t cooperate…they will if they trust you won’t hurt them.
  9. They love us because they can be assured of our quality.  They know we only use the best…specialists, labs, products.  They know we stay on the cutting edge of dentistry with the best in continuing education.
  10. Last but not least and maybe the most important is that our practice is run with an attitude of optimism.  To me this is what I find so wrong with the blog post.  Although it was written with tongue in cheek…I find way too much pessimism and cynicism in dentistry today.  Optimism fills the practice with hope for the future.  Our patients feel hopeful about their health…secure that they will keep their teeth.  “No worries.”  as they say these days.  What surprises me is that the post’s author claims she took courses at the Pankey Institute but it wasn’t enough.  When I went to the Institute…what I saw there from the faculty was optimism.  I saw that and brought it back to my practice to replace the burnout, cynicism and depression.  I used to hear the same, “I hate the dentist” comments, but I ignore them.  I stopped taking things personally and looked at some of those “patients who hate the dentist” as temporary inconveniences…until it all passed.

Chris Peterson, a psychologist from the University of Michigan and one of the founders of positive psychology says that positive institutions facilitate the development and display of positive traits, which in turn facilitate positive subjective experiences.

In the end that positive culture and the optimistic attitudes that go along with it may be the biggest reason why my patients love our practice.

I welcome your comments on this very important topic—maybe we can help patients to understand that it is much better to love than to hate.


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  1. Thanks Laura…glad to see the comments working properly now. People issues are always the toughest part of work…much tougher than the “work.”

    Comment by barrypolansky — December 19, 2011 @ 2:28 PM

  2. Lovely post! You get it! I wanna be first in line if you ever have an opening for a hygienist!

    Comment by Amyrdh — December 21, 2011 @ 6:41 PM

  3. Thank You Amyrdh…hopefully most of the dental community can get the message. If not we are in for some very difficult times. Thankfully I know many dentists who “get it.”

    Comment by barrypolansky — December 21, 2011 @ 6:55 PM

  4. […] Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too.  It created quite a stir and wrote a post that I called 10 Reasons Why My Patients Love Me, in response.  The author of the first post wrote it with her tongue firmly planted in her cheek, […]

    Pingback by 10 Things Your Dentist Doesn’t Want You to Know | The TAO of Dentistry — January 5, 2012 @ 10:05 PM

  5. I recommend http://www.drramosdentistry.com if you need a dentist in Durham. It is important to have a dentist you are comfortable with!

    Comment by greyp — March 2, 2012 @ 4:05 PM

  6. Hey–GreyP I checked you out–you are a dentist—but that’s all I know.  Try not to se blogs to promote your business…that’s not the way things are done in the blogosphere.

    Comment by barrypolansky — March 2, 2012 @ 5:15 PM

  7. Well, I got suggestion for my own site thanks for that, it’s really exhilarating me, and most likely also for another people who also visit your site. Thanks for your support.

    Comment by Aikendavis — March 7, 2012 @ 12:38 AM

  8. Hi Barry,
    Since I have a very nice dentist I lost the most of my fear for the dentist. She explains everything what she does and she has a very kind way of dealing with people. My visit to the dentist seems less painful or even not, and I think it is because I have confidence in my dentist. My teeth are very important for me and I would feel very sad if my mouth would look like the gentlemen on the picture on top 🙂 !
    Kind regards
    Tasha Smith
    Treatment for depression reviewer

    Comment by Depression Treatment — March 19, 2012 @ 12:52 PM

  9. […] people astutely cashed in on the buzz.  I came across a post on Tao of Dentistry titled, “10 Reasons Why My Patients Love Me.“   When I read Dr Barry Polansky’s post, I was impressed by his ability to add his 2 […]

    Pingback by Why I Love Hankey Pankey | Lolabees — March 22, 2012 @ 5:02 PM

  10. Hi Tasha…the title of this blog is TAO of dentistry. That is a play on words…TAO in eastern philosophy means “the way, or path.”. I use the letters to signify T for TRUST. A for APPRECIATION and O for OWNERSHIP. Sounds like you and your dentist have that kind of relationship…that’s important.

    Comment by barrypolansky — March 22, 2012 @ 9:48 PM

  11. Hi!
    The moment I read “1o Reasons Why Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too”, I was saying to myself it’s unbelievable how much I could relate to it, despite the fact that I live and practice way across the globe. Yet, I found myself unable to “like” the post or share it with anybody. Then I read yours. You have addressed the exact same frustrations with a whole different attitude! It couldn’t have been said better :)thank you 

    Comment by hiba_makarem — May 7, 2012 @ 8:09 AM

  12. @hiba_makarem
    Thank you so much…both of these posts truly acknowledge very big problems in our profession. You use the right word…attitude. But it’s really more than that… Practicing dentistry is difficult no matter what part of the world. I hear the same thing from dentists all over the world. The problem is that so much of dentistry is thought of as a technical science when so much is more about soft skills…human behavior. Most dentists are ill equipped to handle the chore. Intra and interpersonal skills are sorely needed…and they are not taught in dental schools. Dental educators don’t know the skills and the ones who teach it…teach poor manipulative techniques to sell more and more dentistry. This I breeds mediocrity , fear and distrust in the public. I didn’t agree with the other post but I certainly felt for the dentist…she is not alone…she was being honest. That is too bad because dentistry can be quite rewarding if the dentist can gain control and create his own culture.
    Thank You

    Comment by barrypolansky — May 7, 2012 @ 12:51 PM

  13. […] Reasons Your Dentist Probably Hates You Too. It created quite a stir and wrote a post that I called 10 Reasons Why My Patients Love Me, in response. The author of the first post wrote it with her tongue firmly planted in her cheek, […]

    Pingback by » 10 Things Your Dentist Doesn’t Want You to Know — May 14, 2013 @ 4:06 AM

  14. […] http://taoofdentistry.com/blog/10-reasons-why-my-patients-love-me/ […]

    Pingback by Exposing the Ugly Side of Facebook | Lolabees — July 18, 2013 @ 7:38 PM

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